I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
