A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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