Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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