what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
