i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
