i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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