Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize