my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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