You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
