I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
