forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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