you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
