Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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