I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
