There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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