there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
