There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
