apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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