I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
