There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
