I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
