my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
