I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
