is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
