I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
