i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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