I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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