need another drink. this is the easiest way
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
