There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
