i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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