She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
