Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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