the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
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I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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