Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
