What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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