Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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