Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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