what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
