Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
