I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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