I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
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her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
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Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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