I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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