They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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