buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
