yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
