How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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