Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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