I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
