I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
