I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
