the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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