so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
