I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
