I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it's like iHOP with fire
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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