i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
soo... how was my night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
