Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
