I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
