its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
