I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
