If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
