My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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