i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
