dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
