i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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